Plain and simple, you won’t.
You won’t ever be able to love your kid
(adopted or not)
as much as you want or as much as he or she needs.
Sorry to burst your expectations
but it’s humanly impossible
to love someone perfectly or completely.
Only God can.
But what a relief,
the pressure’s not on you!
Even after adopting twice and carrying two babies in utero,
I still have my mommy mean moments with all my kids,
adopted or not.
But even on those rough days,
I still will fight, tooth and nail for them.
If I didn’t care for them, I wouldn’t invest in them.
I wouldn’t want them to improve or grow as individuals.
When they hurt, deep down I hurt too.
So maybe if you are worried that you don’t love your child very much
(adopted or not),
consider if any of the above is true.
It doesn’t mean you are a great mom or a wretched one.
It just means you are a mom and I am one too.
Here are a few ways to preempt any future dis-attachment concerns:
1. Spend time with your little one.
By devoting energy and time with your child,
you will grow to like and love your child.
2. Invest in knowing the child as an individual.
The Third loves climbing and exploring.
Joyful loves dancing and singing.
Hallmark loves quiet moments reading together.
Sweet Cheeks loves to walk and run.
3. Take pictures and memories with your child.
It all goes back to quality time together.
As you spend time together, you’ll create unforgettable memories.
Try to make the memories good ones!
4. And really this should be first,
pray for them.
I’ve found when I am struggling with an individual,
praying for them really brings about healing in the relationship.
5. If you are adopting a newborn,
I highly recommend skin to skin contact
(ie. belly time on Daddy with his shirt off, or
letting the baby nap on your chest)
I invested in a sling, baby carrier that Daddy could also fit
and even a backpack for when the kids were older
and I am SO glad I did.
It may sound strange but as you carry the baby
and feel his or her breathing, you sense him or her better.
Likewise, the baby will find you soothing and comforting.
Do you have any tips to share?